So Fierce

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Blinded by a love so fierce he shut out everyone else

It ran its course; Liberated he was
Found himself in a lonely shack; Stranded in a storm wreck

Blinded by a rage so fierce he shut himself close

It ran its course; Hollow he was
Like drained in a wind so thin; Like used in a summer fling

Blinded by a remorse so fierce he was at a loss

It ran its course; Laden he was
Too weak to move, too forced to stay; Withering away like hay

Brought to peace in time by a love so calm; No words suffice to fit this rhyme.

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Emotionally Blind

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Tut……..Tut
Tut……..Tut
Tut……..Tut
Tut…………tut…tut..tut.tt

Score: 4 – 3.

What a drab of a game. I should have gone with Riya to Starbucks. Her bitching would’ve been better than this. Anyway she said she’ll be there till 4. I will go after this match.

“Don’t smirk bloody. Aaja. This one is mine”. Roshan sounded royally pissed off at something.

Tut………Tut
Tut….Tut
Tut…….Tut
Tut..Tut
tut..tut.tt

5 – 3.

Now that’s a proper rally. Rob fucked Roshan’s ass again. He is the better player anyway. Let me order a lemonade. That rally has made me thirsty.

(Well that was a blind man’s version of an inconsequential TT match played in a South Mumbai suburb. What actually happened was something like this.)

Rob serving to Roshan.
A quick one by Rob with a tremendous top spin. Roshan easily reads the serve and returns it effortlessly. Rob has to stretch to reach out for the return. And there goes a power return from him. Roshan is taken by surprise but replies with a slow one to the empty right corner. This seems to be going Roshan’s way. Rob picks it almost from under the table and returns a top right-spin. Roshan who is already in position replies with a counter spin, a slow one at that. He has gone too much to the left corner with that return. Rob sees the opportunity and positions the return perfectly. A good rally that was.

4 – 3.|

Roshan to serve. He is definitely in a bad mood after having almost won last point.

Ahh I know, I know. You get the drift. Turns out the second rally was a drab with both Roshan and Rob fumbling around with the returns. Courtesy the hot lady who walked in, along with her husband, accompanied by a guy in suit. Prospective tenants.

Thinking about it the blind narrator did have his clues to ‘see’ how the match was going. The agitation of Roshan, quick squeaky running around the table,  conversation between the suit guy and the couple & the possible distraction caused to the players. He didn’t bother to but. Prejudice might be. Or Impatience.

Well we can’t totally blame the narrator from first half for a wrong account of the game. He was Blind.

But what about the words said and emotions lost in our conversations. Blame it on the blindness, Shall we?

On Meaningful Women – Revisited

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A writing piece from the past. What is special about such pieces is the memories associated with it, of the events, of people, of emotions, and most importantly a chronicler of your emotional journey; for there is Facebook timeline for everything else chronicling about. This one piece I wouldn’t want to alter a bit.

This note is a confession. It is an apology.

Last night was crazy with lot of alcohol and dancing. On our way back the conversation inevitably turned to finding a partner(that stage of life where your friends are hell bent to get you a girlfriend). One good thing about alcohol is it gives you license to speak your mind. No matter whom you are speaking to. Many a times it lands you in trouble. But what the hell. So to come back to what happened, I blurted out this comment to a female friend

“…..I am looking for a meaningful woman”

and she took offence. Crash. Bang. A hundred thoughts flashed through my mind. Is it because she is too feminist? Is it because it was interpreted as she not being meaningful?

Nothing freshens up mind than a lemonade after a binge night. And I was still stuck at the ‘meaningful’ conversation and her reaction. Then it struck me. I have been a patronizing SOB while making the comment. Nothing less. Somewhere beneath it was the chauvinistic attitude which including me, many men suffer from. Many of us take that as a right earned, deserved. But many a times its we who are trying to find meaning in life through a partner.

Well the search goes on, sober, with a new point of view 🙂

Got to admit that the search is not still on. But the point of view stays, afresh.

Dichotomy of Love

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Love Dichotomy

What is the one defining characteristic of love? That’s where the discussion ended and the thoughts began.

The secret to a long married life is having the broadness of mind to make compromises demanded by it. Coming from a dutiful, caring wife and a loving mother 30 years into marriage and 27 into motherhood, it merited acceptance from an obedient son. But he was too naive to debate with his mother and argue otherwise. Based on a lofty love which, in retrospect, failed miserably the test of time. Young and stupid love.

Love for a partner. Love of a mother for her child. Love of a teacher for his student. Could selflessness be the defining characteristic of love? Isn’t that the source of making compromises which my mother mentioned? It does sound right. What better could be the ultimate expression of love but to sacrifice oneself for the other. Probably that explains why history and literature is replete with love tragedies. Sacrificed at the altar of love. In our morbid lives it will be being satisfied with a normal 9-to-5 job for the sake of family or letting go of a loved one for her sake which are symbols of love. Selfless acts for the smile on your loved ones face.

But then doesn’t love originate from quite the opposite of this noble quality. Isn’t what triggers love in the first place a fierce selfish act? The act of attracting a partner, likened by many to almost an animal act; quite aggressive with seeking attention, winning over ‘consummating’ in passionate love. The act of bringing forth a child into this world, for fulfilling a marriage; to fill a void; to carry on the family legacy. To create a prodigy on a teacher’s part.

The dichotomy is apparent only if you isolate the process of falling in love and being in love. They are not two sides of the coin. Rather coinciding. Blending pieces. Eva Mendes beautifully puts it when she says,

 I love having a man in my life and being his woman by the end of the day. I know its a dichotomy.

The Heartbreak dilemma.

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She seemed to have aged a decade. The stoop in the shoulders has reached new lows. Eyes are shades darker than what they used to be. Her hair disheveled having lost its luster. Warmth seems to have left her words and her smile moist with a sadness. She is never going to be the same again. She sure will snap out of this phase. She is already on the recovery mode. The music lessons are back on her routine, so are the yoga sessions. But she will never be the same again.

Last week in a fit of rage she told me he didn’t deserve her anyway. That she was way out of his league. Heartbreaks often bring the worst out in people. But I am sure even at this stage she wouldn’t have traded what she had past couple of years with him for anything in this world. And even when she said those mean things she wished the world for him. Its this conflict which has sapped her off her vitality. The conflict between what’s best for self and what’s selfless. The heartbreak dilemma. It must be tearing her apart.

Literature and history has an excess of tragedies stemmed from love. But knowing her I see hope. I am sure the selflessness is going to triumph in her conflict. Ain’t that the beauty of human life? That the best of our characters come out at the worst of the times we are going through. Well that’s how it should be, not the other way around. With some people you know it in your gut. She is one such person. She might never be the same again. But she is definitely going to come out better from this. I tell her this. She smiles a knowing smile.